I'm sorry i'm so complicated sometimes .

I don't know what should i feel about myself sometimes, i don't even understand myself sometimes either . I do feel like is a headache for somebody that cares for me . And being myself is really terrible . Because i don't even know how to feel about myself, so how can some people even know how to feel about me . I don't want anybody think that i'm over protective nor clingy . It will hurt the one i love if over doing . I give freedom, space . But i also want to know what's going on in between . But at the same time i don't want and don't like to interrupt the space I'm giving . Don't deny that i'm sensitive sometimes and sometimes i'm not . And sometimes even being so jealous, and sometime i'm not . Can anyone just tell me wtf is going on with me ? I don't always show attitude but when i do, i just feel like i'm vexatious . I always apologies because i do think that everything is me that mess things up . And when people apologies i just feel that i'm the one that cause things to become the way is not suppose to be . I even feel bad when people apologies to me . Always tend to make myself moody and overthink things that i shouldn't have known . Is just like making myself insecure even when things is just fine . I .. i just don't know about myself . Another thing is, i'm not good at words, i know people is upset, i want to say something but i don't know what to say to make it a right sentence and also at the same time i'm afraid that i would say something wrong . So in the end i'll just keep my mouth shut and stand there just like a stone doing nothing . Seriously,, what kind of person am i ?????????????? Afterall, I feel sorry and also at the same time feel thankful for people(boyf) that stays with me and still dealing with me and my mixed emotional no matter what . 😢

See you again 👣

On the 24th September 2016 everyone heard a very sad news . My boyfriend's ahma passed away . 😴 A huge impact hit my boyfriend so much that he broke down, because she meant so much to him; watch him grow, took care of him since he's a healthy little baby to a boy that he's able to walk, run, talk and everything that he's able to do it himself . It make me so sad because I know how much she mean to him and suddenly she left . After so many years of struggles and pain she made through, she's in a better place now, watching after him . For me personally, I know she's proud and happy of how her grandson have become . As I've seen how happy she in lying on the bed whenever we went over visit her and she saw him, and also those time when she's still staying over his house . The smile on her face, never be forgotten . Counted 5days of funeral until 28th september morning, a very last journey with her is gone with everyone . All the tears I've seen especially from my boyfriend, broke me so much . Useless me, can't even say something to him, afraid that i'll say something wrong to make him cry even worst . Today is the 6th days she left . Guess she's in a very peaceful place now as all her son is in peace now still brothes after so many years of quarrels and fight . Just left with all of her daughter, still suck up a face cause of money and it really annoys me . 😤 But most of all, she's kinda happy to see them like this(not including her daughter) but for my boyf now, still hard to accept the fact that she's gone . And I can understand that cause he love her so much from the every first day he saw her until the age he's 22 now . I'm not close to her and never will never get the chance anymore, but part of me still will remember everything that I've see about her . Her smile; laughter; voice, loud scream, everything .

Ahma; Hanhan told me about you everytime even before the first day I saw you . Telling me how good you play at games, telling me how important to are to him . Telling me how great and how much he love you, telling me what have your been doing together when he's still a little boy staying with you . He told me a lot about you to me . I know you love him a lot just like how you like to play mahjong and drink coke . But rest assure, i'll take good care of hanhan now . He's grown up man already know how to think, know what is he doing already . Don't worry about him and rest in peace . 一路好走 👵👼 Maybe I can get to know more about you when my time come at my older age(I'm just kidding)

And for you dearest . I know is hard for you to accept the harsh fact . But what had happen, happened . She doesn't want to see you like this . I know you love her alot, but she love you more . Is good for her now because she's resting in a better place now, watching over you . After all the years of pain and struggles when she's alive, she's relief now . I know it will take you a long time for you to accept the fact and heal your wound, i'll be with you mentally and physically . Like I said, anytime you want to go over and pray her, I 100% won't mind go over with you . But please baby, stay strong . I'm here . 😚

" I'll always be by your side, through thick or thin .♥"

 

Time to blog something about my life these few days . Well, I have to say is kinda good, boyfriend and me has been loving and not quarrel so often like how we used to . My dad and me also kinda not bad I guess . We started talk and a little more as day passed, after that day my boyfriend told him about the plan of marring me next year . 💍👸 Feeling happy because everything goes quite smoothly . But my mom; she doesn't seems happy to know about the news of me and my boyfriend planning to get married next year . Don't know isit don't have a heart prepare to "lose" another daughter or isit other things . Is kinda mixed feeling for me to guess . But well, I believe at the end of the day she still will want see me get my happiness and gives me her blessing, like how everyone gives us .

 

 

My very first overseas (Taiwan) trip in my life and also fly further with you in November with family, i'm looking so forward and excited already . But there's something i'm looking more forward and excited to is, next year . Though is only planning, but i'm ready to take each and every steps with you . I'm ready to become a responsible adult with you . To spend everyday with you, and go through everything, anything with you . Is gonna be a challenge in life, but if there's no challenge then how can it be counted a life without any challenge, isn't ? I hope you're ready too . The other day we went to expo and look at the wedding promotions with your parents and you sign it at the end of the day . I'm so happy, though is expensive and also over the budget . but I just feel that things is getting more and more real, i'm not dreaming about it and is coming soon . Get to wear the wedding dress, taking photoshoot with you and also gonna walk though the wedding hall with you on the wedding dinner night . 💍 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH . I can already imagine on the ROM day itself will be so awkward . 😜 But who cares . Is just the starting of the journey, and is a must to go through is . Hehehehehehehehehhehehehee . 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅 sounds like i'm still dreaming now . Goodnight !  😚 😚 😚 😚

Tough life don't last, tough man do . 💦

Quarrels after the same topic for so long, things should have change by now . But nope, guess things has gotten worst than before . Trying after trying, trying still . Everyday hoping for a miracle that a kind soul will take over my place so that I could have a better road for myself and a better future with my soul mate . But no, until today there's still no kind soul willing to take over me . But, am still gonna keep finding and hoping . I have to do something about it . Time don't wait for me nor I'll wait for the time . It feel so sucks that i got a limit of what i can do, is so sucks that this isn't in my control . Getting tired of the job i'm working now . The timing is totally not what I want . Totally not interested in the things i'm doing . What I want kinda simple I guess . I want spend every weekend, public holiday with my boyfriend, I want to accompany him more is that too much to ask for ? Even i want a simple dinner with him alone now is so hard, because my timing don't even match his ! What's public holiday for everyone, when i have to work everyday, holiday, on the weekend when everyone is spending theirs and i have to work alone and not accompany my boyfriend .. WHAT'S LOVE LIFE WHEN EVERYONE IS SPENDING TIME WITH THEIR LOVE ONE WHEN I'M WORKING AND MY BOYFRIEND ROTTING AT HOME WITHOUT ME !? Really hope things will change asap . Me and my boy kinda tired quarrelling over the same topic over and over again .

 

Bet you are getting more and more tired like how i feel . You doesn't want to listen to my explanation . But I still want to say that, is not i don't want to change, things isn't under my control . I know you're giving in to me everyday . I'm trying too, i doesn't want it this way too . I'm grateful that until today, you still stay by my side through so many things . 我知道你很辛苦。因为我，你很辛苦的工作 still have to endure so many things about me . I'm sorry . Things will change, i'll make it change alright . Please give me some times to find people to take over me . I'm sorry, iloveyou . 👄

"What comes easy, don't last . What last, don't come easy .💎 "

   

The smooth relationship is those relationship that always hoping for a fairytales story in their relationship life . And what's a smooth relationship for those that go through shit together as one . Be it is a big or a very small matter, there's always have different opinions that always tend to quarrels, fight and tears . It won't really be a smooth journey for the both partner that cares for each other . But cannot deny is that every quarrel and fights, it will always make the relationship stronger than before . Ofcourse, it won't only have fights and quarrels in the relationship . There's still silly laughter and little silly things that both partner do to make a wonderful journey while growing up together . Every obstacle that breaks together is also a new level of relationship that build together . Yes, i'm saying my relationship .  2 more month, on the 12 august . Both me and my man are official together for 2 years . 说我们在一起两年，说短不会很短，可是说长也不会很长 . There's so much more for us to learn in life, so much more things we still have to go through together as one . I, myself got faith that we can go through each and every obstacles infront of us and archives the milestone we want in life . 💕

遇見了你，是我上辈子修来得福 .♥️

 

 

Is been such a long time since i've last blogged about myself & life . Kinda busy about life working out to my future . As time pass, through all the up and down, all the obstacles in life, i believe i did get stronger . Those emotional takes over me way too much last time, those tears i've wasted & my heart broken into"pieces" Are all bullshit now . It's fixed ! And i'm kinda proud of what I've become today . Not as weak as what i think i am, i can do what think I can't . About life, everyone have a lot of "Friends" . Easy to spell, easy to read . But there's too many meaning in it . Too much lesson to learn . I believe everyone has that one friend that betray you before  . Stab you from behind like there's nothing . Two face . Take you for granted . and many many kind . But i guess that's life . Everyone came into your life, is either a lesson or a blessing . Lesson ? Learn from it . A blessing ? Treasure it . "不是每一个你真心对的朋友一定是对你真心的朋友。"

 

 

 

 

On the 12th of August 2014; i'm proudly announce that i'm attached to my boyfriend called LimJunHan .💑 😍 ❤️

He break though all the walls i've build up myself .

he give me time to find myself back .

he gives me his time .

he keep me accompany whenever he could . 

he willing to try all the things he could just to see me smile .

he protect me just to ensure that nobody is able to hurt me,

and also always ensure that i'm home safely everytime after we hang out .

Being patience towards me no matter what .

he just love to keep me safe & warm and etc . (too much to name all out)

But .. Cause of my selfish-ness, my childish act, my playful-ness, i've hurt him way too much when he's still chasing me . But still, i'm super glad that until now, he stayed and didn't left after so much of hurt i cause . Until now still protecting me, still showering me with lots of his loves and care . Still taking care of me whenever i'm sick, bring me to doctor and stand by me when things get rough in life . "What's a couple if your partner wasn't your everything ?" Right . He's not only my everything . He's my best friend, my soul mate, my future & my another half that i couldn't live without . He gives me faith, he's my pillar of strength . He's the one that i wanting myself to become better cause of him . He's just way too awesome and way too perfect to me . He is all i wanted, very thankful because he is the best present that god give it to me . I'm blessed, am very happy too . Because i'm still calling him, mine . And also very thankful to him, if is not him keep encourage me, i wouldn't be who i am today .

*Baby, if happen one day you happen to read this, i just want to say thankyou very much . All these while must be hard on you handling me . Iloveyou so much . 💐💕